Grieving can be a lonely process. To break through that, Moniek Rouweler from Eindhoven started a walk for survivors, 23 years after her father’s death. There was no real place to process her loss at the time. Her peers continued to party, while her life stood still. Now she tries to help others who are facing the same thing. “I hope that people can share some of their grief”.
For Moniek (49), it felt like she was thrown in at the deep end with her grief. After that fateful day when her father died in a skating accident. “In the beginning, there was a lot of support”, she looks back.
But she soon noticed how different that was over time. “Other people’s lives go on. There is no time to talk about it anymore. And many people don’t really know how to deal with it and how to start talking about it”. She wants to protect fellow sufferers from that lonely feeling in the grieving process.
The Eindhoven resident didn’t have to reinvent the wheel for that. As a walking coach, she already organised walks for people who cannot have children or have difficulty having children. Now the bereavement walk has been added to that. Once a month, a group of survivors go to Genneper Parken. To share joy and sorrow with each other. Which is not always possible in everyday life.
A nephew who passed away too early
Nancy Istatia (43) can talk about that. She is one of the participants in the bereavement walk. Her nephew decided to take his own life unexpectedly last November at the age of 18. “It hit me like a bomb. There were no signs of depression. I’m still in shock”.
Outsiders, however, continued with their lives. Some even suggested that she should be doing better after six months. However, the pain was and is still palpable in Istatia household.
She was not only left with a lot of question marks about the choice of her beloved nephew. She herself had also become a different person. “Everything that used to be fun, is no longer fun. Like doing things with friends. You’re very much in your own head.”
At the same time, Nancy and her husband tried to be there for their children, aged 11 and 15. There was some talk about the death of their nephew within the family. Nevertheless, she and her partner decided to join the walk after seeing an appeal from Moniek on Instagram. In order to get in touch with adults who knew what they were going through. “I thought it would be difficult”, Nancy says about the idea of talking to complete strangers about your loss. The opposite turned out to be the case.
Not going to a party
“It was really nice. An older lady was able to confirm that I was on the right track. She taught me to let go of the many questions I had, because I would never get an answer to them”.
“I also had to be less hard on myself. For example, if I don’t feel like going to a birthday party, I have to accept that that’s the way it is”.
The emergence of these kinds of conversations is why the loss walk, a place where people in the same situation can join in without obligation, was created. “So that the participants know that there are people who listen to them, support them and know what they are going through”, the initiator says.
The environment helps with this. “In nature you don’t have to look at each other all the time and it is much easier to talk. Nature also helps you to stop worrying. By looking, listening and smelling nature. It brings you closer to your feelings and what is really important to you”.
However, it is not a replacement for a psychologist, for example. “It is somewhere between professional help and going to your own network”.
The next loss walk is on Wednesday 2 July and starts on Paviljoen (pavillion) Genneper Parken.
For more information (In Dutch): verlieswandeling
Are you thinking about suicide or are you worried about someone? Talking about suicide helps and can be done anonymously via the chat on www.113.nl or by phone on 113.
Source: Studio040
Translated by: Bob
